The holiday season is "supposed to" be a time of happiness, family and friend get- togethers, and the season to be merry and jolly. For those grieving the loss of a loved one, the holidays may be an extremely difficult time of year.
Ways to cope this holiday season:
1. Find your own way to grieve. Some may want to be with family and friends(the familiar); some may want to take a trip and not be around the old sights and sounds. There is no right or wrong. It is about what is right or best for you.
2. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling. If you feel angry, go for a run or do some physical exercise. If you feel sad, let the tears flow. It is okay to cry.
3. Realize that the holidays will not be the same without your loved one physically there. If you do something different, that is okay and you can recognize the change while still honoring the past.
4. Take time for yourself if you feel like being alone. Try not to isolate yourself from the support of your family and friends. They love you and care about you.
5. Nourish your body with well-balanced meals. Drink a lot of water so you can keep your body hydrated.
6. Share your feelings with a friend, family member, counselor, or a support group. It is important to tell your story until you don't want to tell it anymore.
7. Remember that others don't always know what to say to you. You may need to tell them specifically what you want from them (a meal brought to the house, pick up milk for you at the store, to get out of the house and go for lunch together).
8. Volunteer or do something for others (Angel Tree on malls, charity basket for the holidays, serving food to others for the holidays at a soup kitchen/shelter, visit people in a nursing home). Helping others will help you feel better.
9. Donate to your favorite charity in memory of your loved one.
10. Remember that each person grieves at his/her own pace. You will make it through this holiday season.
11. If you feel some happiness that is okay. You are once again part of the living and that is good. You are putting one foot in front of the other to move forward. Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back and vice-versa.
12. Going outside for a walk and being with nature may help you feel better.
13. Looking at photos of your loved one may help, or you may not be ready. Both are okay...it is about how you feel and what is best for you.
14. Attending religious services may be of great comfort to you. You may feel closer to G-d, or you may not feel that way because you are angry at G-d. Anger is a normal part of the grief process.
15. Your feelings of loss are often magnified during the holidays. It is normal and healthy to experience those feelings. You are keeping your loved one's memory alive.
16. Take baby steps and in time your steps will get bigger and lighter...maybe not this holiday season...maybe next.
17. Light a candle in memory of your loved one.
18. Place a new Christmas ornament on the Christmas tree in memory of your loved one.
19. Write a letter to your loved one. You may share it with someone or not. You may keep the letter, or leave it at the grave site, or burn the letter in the fireplace and let the ashes rise symbolically.
20. Decorate the grave site or memorial site with a holiday theme. It is okay to remember and celebrate your loved one's life.
21. Make a scrapbook of your loved one's life.
22. Talk about your loved one. Remember all the happy, funny and special times. Share stories with others.
Whatever you do this holiday season be kind to yourself because you have been through a lot. Grieving is hard work and you are probably stronger than you think you are. May you treasure your cherished memories of your loved one this holiday season! Your loved one will always remain in your heart!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Feeling Life an Empty Nester?
by Reni Parker
9/20/09
Congratulations to those of you whose teenagers entered college! Taking your teenagers to college is a huge milestone for both teen and parent(s). No matter how big your teenager is, including six feet tall, he/she is still your child....your baby. It was your parental goal from the beginning to have your child become responsible and independent AND so you said:
1. "Clean up your room."
2. "Empty the garbage."
3. "Pick your clothes up off the floor."
4. "Be home at a specific time."
Move-in day at the dorms provided you the opportunity to go up and down the stairs many times with Target or Walmart sacks filled with college/dorm supplies. You met your teen's roommate(s) and parent(s). Last but not least you nourished your teen's body with a good restaurant meal. Goodbyes were said and hugs were given. You watched as your child walked off into the huge college building.
Some parents are fine with all of this; others shed many tears as the car and you go homeward bound minus one. You may wish you could go back and get your teenager. You may be thinking how it feels like only yesterday when your child was born. You may ask yourself, "What if my baby needs me?" Ahhh, cell phones!!!
It's normal to feel happy or sad, or any combination of feelings when your child goes off to college. Some parents grieve the loss of their little child as they experience their grown-up child. You may not feel as needed. Your house is quiet now. You may really miss your teenager. As a parent(s) you have done a great job encouraging your child to go to college. You have laid out your child's foundation. As a parent(s), you hope your teenager makes good choices, and the mistakes are not too bad.
Next time you see your college son or daughter, he/she will seem more grown-up and independent. You may really like this new grown-up version, even if he/she brings home all his/her dirty laundry. All the years before this you were giving your child wings to fly. College is when parents watch their child take off and hope they soar.
9/20/09
Congratulations to those of you whose teenagers entered college! Taking your teenagers to college is a huge milestone for both teen and parent(s). No matter how big your teenager is, including six feet tall, he/she is still your child....your baby. It was your parental goal from the beginning to have your child become responsible and independent AND so you said:
1. "Clean up your room."
2. "Empty the garbage."
3. "Pick your clothes up off the floor."
4. "Be home at a specific time."
Move-in day at the dorms provided you the opportunity to go up and down the stairs many times with Target or Walmart sacks filled with college/dorm supplies. You met your teen's roommate(s) and parent(s). Last but not least you nourished your teen's body with a good restaurant meal. Goodbyes were said and hugs were given. You watched as your child walked off into the huge college building.
Some parents are fine with all of this; others shed many tears as the car and you go homeward bound minus one. You may wish you could go back and get your teenager. You may be thinking how it feels like only yesterday when your child was born. You may ask yourself, "What if my baby needs me?" Ahhh, cell phones!!!
It's normal to feel happy or sad, or any combination of feelings when your child goes off to college. Some parents grieve the loss of their little child as they experience their grown-up child. You may not feel as needed. Your house is quiet now. You may really miss your teenager. As a parent(s) you have done a great job encouraging your child to go to college. You have laid out your child's foundation. As a parent(s), you hope your teenager makes good choices, and the mistakes are not too bad.
Next time you see your college son or daughter, he/she will seem more grown-up and independent. You may really like this new grown-up version, even if he/she brings home all his/her dirty laundry. All the years before this you were giving your child wings to fly. College is when parents watch their child take off and hope they soar.
How Can Adults Help Children Grieve?
by Reni Parker
10/14/09
Adults can help children grieve by:
*Listening to their story. The child's voice needs to be heard.
*Keeping to the regular schedule so children feel safe and comforted
*Using correct words ("Your father has died.")
*Encouraging the children to talk and ask questions
*Answering what they want to know in language they understand
*Explaining that their feelings are okay
*Being there for the children when they want to tell you how they feel
*Telling children that it's not their fault their loved one died
*Hugging the children
*Explaining what the children will see at the funeral
*Allowing involvement in the funeral to the extent they feel comfortable
*Encouraging ways to express feelings through writing, art work, sports
*Keeping a photo close by of the loved one
*Accepting and normalizing children's feelings
*Encouraging collecting keepsakes and photos
*Helping to make memory books, memory boxes
*Being supportive
*Being available physically and mentally
*Being understanding
*Letting the teacher and school counselor know what has happened
*Monitoring your child's responses and behavior
*Checking out any concerns with a mental health professional
Books to help grieving children:
1. Lifetimes by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen
2. Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs by Tomie dePaola
3. Children Also Grieve by Linda Goldman
4. Love You Forever by Robert Munsch
5. Goodbye Mousie by Robert H. Harris
6. My Life Changed, A Journal for Coping with Loss and Grief by Free Spirit Publishing
7. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia
A book for adults: The Grieving Child, A Parent's Guide by Helen Fitzgerald
10/14/09
Adults can help children grieve by:
*Listening to their story. The child's voice needs to be heard.
*Keeping to the regular schedule so children feel safe and comforted
*Using correct words ("Your father has died.")
*Encouraging the children to talk and ask questions
*Answering what they want to know in language they understand
*Explaining that their feelings are okay
*Being there for the children when they want to tell you how they feel
*Telling children that it's not their fault their loved one died
*Hugging the children
*Explaining what the children will see at the funeral
*Allowing involvement in the funeral to the extent they feel comfortable
*Encouraging ways to express feelings through writing, art work, sports
*Keeping a photo close by of the loved one
*Accepting and normalizing children's feelings
*Encouraging collecting keepsakes and photos
*Helping to make memory books, memory boxes
*Being supportive
*Being available physically and mentally
*Being understanding
*Letting the teacher and school counselor know what has happened
*Monitoring your child's responses and behavior
*Checking out any concerns with a mental health professional
Books to help grieving children:
1. Lifetimes by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen
2. Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs by Tomie dePaola
3. Children Also Grieve by Linda Goldman
4. Love You Forever by Robert Munsch
5. Goodbye Mousie by Robert H. Harris
6. My Life Changed, A Journal for Coping with Loss and Grief by Free Spirit Publishing
7. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia
A book for adults: The Grieving Child, A Parent's Guide by Helen Fitzgerald
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
